Mindfully Escaping a Fear-Based Mentality

December 20, 2019

An image of a ballerina's torso, one arm replaced with a wing.
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Have you ever seen a rabbit leap into the abyss of its hole? No thought. No contemplation. Just a simple move to escape, to hide or to win.

What is the rabbit’s intention? I’ve been conquering my rabbit hole for years and I think I might just have it figured out. I suppose one could say, or would say, it craves freedom.

Our bodies are natural reactors. They signal to us an alert, an alarm, a message to stay clear or create a bunker, all in the name of keeping us safe and secure in our own skin.

This has been my M.O. for years but until just recently, I wasn’t fully aware. I would find myself thinking or even silently whispering to another, “Ugh! I’ve gone down the rabbit hole again.” Shame set in. Fear isolated me. Worry took the best of me.

Someone would comment and I took it to heart. I could feel the unsaid emotions. I could sense the unexplained nonsense. I could not distinguish them from me, so I took it all in—selfish, I know. My own need to be self-centered thought this was my way for growing, for understanding and for living.

Recently, I was sitting at a concert. A performer was singing the song, “Defying Gravity” by Idina Menzel. In her song, the words go as such: “I think I’ll try defying gravity, and you can’t pull me down.” It hit me like a lead brick.

An image of a ballerina's torso, one arm replaced with a wing.

“Winged Ballerina” by Rachel Derum

What if, all this time, I was avoiding being me by leaping, in the blink of an eye, down the rabbit hole?

What if all this time I was focused on me as a little version of all I could be and not really knowing who I was? If so, the natural reaction was of course to go down the rabbit hole. It was classic avoidance and playing small in a world that seemed much bigger than I’d understood. Being only focused on the self did not allow for the deeper connection to a higher power.

That bigness feeling I was sensing did not get the honor and respect it deserved. I would leap down that hole of hiding by way of anger, resentment, and silence. I was shutting off the supply to an unlimited source of freedom and joy.

What if being self-decentered is the real path to ultimate freedom and joy? Having the grit to defy gravity, because it is the natural reaction to life on earth, requires us to rise up from the depths and allow who we are to shine above all else. I needed to trust in that higher power to have my back in each experience where being me was a much better and more worthwhile maneuver.

I’m thinking (and feeling, and sensing, and knowing) that rabbit hole was a safe barrier to numbness, allowing me to and preventing me from living my truth.

As a born empath I am sensitive to others’ internal goings-on. I feel it all: their conscious happenings and their subconscious mechanisms. I feel it all!

With no formal education to fully understand how that energetic loop can take over, I did what any typical human would do: I made up reasoning that seemed sensible and logical. This reasoning became instant belief systems, overpowering my daily life. It was the delusional sergeant in charge of dictating my every move.

Then I got curious (or maybe desperate) to live a happier life, one with a lot more freedom. Being chained to the habitual rabbit hole just didn’t seem to give way to joy as it did before on so many other occasions.

Day after day, I would question, and sit to hear the universe responding. The 360 degree shift happened one moment when a text came in and I felt a force hold me in place. I heard the small whisper, “This does not work anymore.” I questioned differently.

What if being self-CENTERED, versus SELF-centered, is more about taking great care of me, staying in one spot, the spot, without leaping down the rabbit hole? What if it’s more about trusting that you are exactly who and where you need to be?

What if being is more important than doing anything about my feelings and emotions? What if owning all of me (the light and the shadows) leads to a place where I can be centered and is the only spot where Source energy can fill me up?

In the wave of curiosity, my entire life took on new meaning, more purpose. A joyous blanket enveloped me. Freedom was offered up. A conscious lifestyle was being given to me—for being, not doing).

Do you have rabbit holes in which you hide when fear, anxiety and tension arise?

Shift your questioning.

Turn your “what if” questions from negative to positive. I found myself thinking, “What if she hurts me again? What if this feels like that time when…” Shifting these questions by taking a higher vantage point, I naturally shifted the energy so that my life could expand.

Get clear about what you want.

Keeping myself safe was fear controlling me. Clarity around my heartfelt desires spoke louder. What I really wanted was joy, freedom, and to be awakened. Once I got super focused on those desires, life changed for the better.

Have fun trying new things.

I had to get outside of the habits I’d created around people and experiences. I began doing little things that were not my norm, like going to the movies alone, eating something new, and driving different routes. These small behaviors fueled my courage to try bigger, power moves. Each time I felt more and more confident. It crushed the need to hide in the rabbit hole.

Are the rabbit holes still near?

Well, yes, they are; but hey, a little peace and quiet in a safe spot is exactly what the heart, mind, body and soul need to breathe sometimes.

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