When relationships end, whether a romantic relationship, professional relationship or even plutonic friendships, feelings of grief and loss, even rejection and insecurity can occur. Grief is a natural process to go through, a natural emotion to feel. So please don’t think that there is something wrong with you when you find it hard to let go of the pain and the hurtful feelings in your heart.
But the important thing to know during these times, is that there is a lesson to be learned and positive growth to go through. There is something valuable you can learn about yourself to carry forward in future relationships.
You need to identify what are the main reasons for the failure of the relationship.
Maybe your relationship lacked respect and understanding? Ask yourself, were there any anger problems between you and your partner? Was your partner jealous?
Perhaps there was a lack of trust, cheating or bad behavior as the cause for the end of relationship.
Maybe you simply outgrew each other, evolving into different people with different ideals goals or needs for the future.
But many times, we find that individuals have trouble understanding their own behaviours in relationships and this is because they have become so lost in the other person they don’t understand their own feelings. It is not uncommon for co-dependecny to occur in relationships. We invest so much of our happiness into another, and so when they don’t live up to our expectations, or let us down, we get angry and feel disappointed, sad or hurt. So let me ask you;
Have ever felt disconnected from yourself and had trouble understanding or owning your emotions in relationships?
What you need to know here, is that our relationships are a reflection of ourselves. So we need to know WHO WE ARE, what our core values are, so we can create the right relationship for us, in line with our genuine selves.
In order to achieve this though, we need to work on our relationship with ourselves first and foremost.
A lot of our relationships patterns stem from childhood. So we accept the love we think we deserve. How you love yourself, will be reflected in your relationship choices.
Understanding the root cause of our own relationship behaviour, will help us understand why we stay in situations that aren’t right for us. Once we have been able to identify why we have accepted certain relationship styles in the past, we can try to truly move forward.
One example is that you grow up carrying fear of being alone, not being loved, getting abandoned. You are an anxious lover as a result of being raised with avoidant or absent parents.
This could create a typical co-dependent and ‘needy’ relationship style. So you always go in and out of relationships to seek comfort and attention, compromising a lot by settling for mediocre or even less. In between relationships you’re very insecure, as if dating someone was symbolic to reassure you that you have the deep love and care you so desperately crave.
If you hope to be recognised as “loved” in a relationship, then you have got to realise you are loved and “good enough” already as you are.
By the time you recognise this, you will no longer need to rely on the opinions of others to feel good again.
You can be free, free of judgement, free to make your own choices, and free to be with or NOT be with whoever you want instead of seeking external validations, or comfort in the form of relationships that don’t align with you and your core values.
When you know a situation is bad for you, but you continue to go back to it, STOP this pattern and give yourself the love you deserve, stop accepting the love that is not right for you.
Relationships end for a multitude of reasons, but really it comes down to how secure and aligned are you within yourself.
If you are secure and aligned with who you really are, you can confidently commit yourself to a relationship with another and manage the inevitable ups and downs of life together. If however, you hold fear and insecurity within you, your relationships can be unstable and sometimes even toxic, usually resulting in a hurtful ending.
Know that you deserve to be be loved wholly, but you can’t expect another to love you if you don’t love yourself completely.
At The Caring Nature System, we work with individuals to help them build back their self confidence, but tapping into the subconscious to find any unhealed trauma within. By dealing with these we can move forward with self-love and boosted self-esteem.
Want to know more? Click here and learn about how you can heal from failed relationships or trauma from your past.