Nobody is perfect! Nobody has a perfect life! Yes, even those friends on Facebook that seem to have the ultimate life, showing off their achievements, their kids, their house. Even celebrities have their fair share of the, not so perfect life, just read some of the gossip magazines.
We make choices, bad ones, good ones and each of these leads to a specific life path. Sometimes we are glad for the ones we have chosen, sometimes we wonder how the heck did I end up here? Both are ok and both are good as we need to learn from them. Yeah, I know it sucks! Having a perfect life is much nicer, without any bad things happening.
Mine have been falling apart these past few months, after years of constant stress and anxiety and pressures, that I allowed, it started falling apart bit by bit. And yes, it is not nice, it is frustrating, depressing and sometimes just annoying. However, I can either fight it or learn from it. I sometimes do fight it, but in the end, I choose to learn from it.
Learning about how I did not stand up for myself, how I allowed myself to disappear to please others. How I took care of so many people, but I never thought about taking care of myself. Funny how these dark periods in life come when you least expect it, but they always bring a lesson. It is OK to fall apart; the only thing is; you must become whole again.
It never happens overnight, since it took a long time for all things to create a fall apart in my life, it will not be healed instantly! I will not be whole suddenly, it will be a process of restoration, a process of self-discovery, a process of healing, but only if I allow it to teach me!
If I fight it, if I fight the fall apart, I will be going deeper in this dark hole and the end is not always as good. If I deny it, it will show it’s face even more clearer. I must accept it and agree that I am falling apart, and that is OK!
This period is a special one, to teach me more about life, myself and love. Taking on all the roles I must be, a mother of four, teacher for my home-schooled kids, a house wife doing laundry, cleaning, making food etc., an assistant, a coach, a counselor, a friend, a daughter and sister, a lover and the list continues. Keeping up all these expectations and roles and being perfect in each one of them has taken a toll on me, on myself, my health, my sanity, my being, my mind, my family and my relationships. I cannot be perfect in every role every time, I must give up! I cannot be the perfect mother, the perfect lover, the perfect teacher, the perfect coach, the perfect daughter or the perfect house wife! And this was not acceptable to me!
I had to be perfect, I had to not let anyone down, they all need me, they count on me! So little by little slowly but surely, I allowed parts of me to die. Parts of me just died, some just disappeared, some parts became non-existent in the roles I had to become. The greatest shock was realizing I was unhappy, I was not contend, I was lost, I was not there, I did not know who I was, what I loved, what I needed. I became infused in all these roles, that the real me, the wanderlust girl, the gypsy girl, the free spirited, the untamed, the wild woman got lost. She disappeared and the person in the mirror was a creation I allowed, a creation I contributed to, I person I did not like at all.
Taking count of your life is not easy, is not nice, is not comfortable – but I must, I will die if I let it be and continue the way it was and I know how it felt to be dead, numb, lost in darkness, feeling hopeless and in despair. Self-pity, yes, I had that, and I needed that, without self-pity I would have never realized that the real me was suffocating, was screaming to be heard again. I could not continue with self-pity forever, but for a period it brought healing.
So today, I challenge you if you have been postponing falling apart, please step up and be true to yourself and your feelings. If we do not fall apart, we cannot stand up again, so I ask you please rather fall apart to rebuild a new you than allowing your real self to die. You can live again, I promise you, it might not feel that way now, but you can!
Please share with me your falling apart or if you have been denying your falling apart, let’s support each other in our journey in life! Like I said nobody is perfect and we need to learn from each other and support each other!