When we decide to share something that feels shameful and puts us in the emotional space of vulnerability we must be clear as to our intention for sharing. When we share shame we need to be clear that it is being shared in a safe space and that the sharing is for our own healing.
When you share shame and allow yourself to sit in the seat of vulnerability then you are actually doing very deep self-care. Because sharing, with the intention to heal, with safe people allows you to also feel safe in the very powerful experience of being vulnerable. Feeling safe in vulnerability is empowering.
The converse is also true, to share shame with those who are unsafe and do not honor you can place you in a disempowered space of vulnerability. It can lead to the feeling or inner experience of revictimization of the shame—this is not healing. Instead, you just created another level of pain to sort through when you journey back into the path of healing.
Be aware, be awake and be conscious in your sharing and above all else be sure that you’re honoring yourself. No one else will take care of you better than you can take care of you.
There is no rejection when we share our truth with someone. When we are brave enough, when we “enter the arena and Dare Greatly” as Brené Brown writes, we step into our true selves, we call upon our higher selves and we speak the truths of our hearts. We speak our vulnerabilities and ask the one with whom we share to hold our heart gently, with care and with the same love that they hold their own heart. If they reject what we share we need to be in the awareness that they are not rejecting us or denying our truth. They are rejecting the truth within them as we shine light to a story, situation, or memory. The rejection is not a rejection of the self but of the piece of them which resonates with the universal truth of what we share.
Therefore we can not hold onto shame. Shame keeps us stuck and feeling overly responsible to that which is not ours. It is a burden placed on our backs that we have chosen to keep and carry. It causes internal damage to the mind, body and spirit. Healing must occur. Before we can speak our truth to the “other”, we must first speak the truth to ourselves. We must do our own inner work and healing. We can not speak our truths if they are damaged with shame, blame or guilt because then our inner landscape is not cleaned up and healthy enough to do so.
Once healthy and clear then the other person’s responses can not damage us. We then share our truths from a place of wholeness and self compassion. This is a great gift you give yourself. It is part of the spiral of healing upward.