The question often asked by outsiders is, “why do you accept this type of behavior?” They assume that if it were them, they’d have left the moment it started. What they fail to realize is that narcissistic abuse is normally a gradual process.
Abusers want their victims to accept the harshness as part of our daily routine. They want us to see it as the norm. Fifteen years in two abusive relationships, one physically and one mentally so, I often asked myself why am I attracting the same type of partner: neediness, insecurity and inconsiderateness were always the three personality traits.
From mind games to rape—you name it—I was always trying to get out of it but staying in. My past experiences have shown me it’s always been in my nature to want to help people and I’ve realized now, that in these situations it was a big no-no. You cannot spend years and years of your life trying to fix somebody who doesn’t see themselves as having a problem. They have to be able to see it and want to get help for themselves by themselves.
One day I woke up wiser: “why am I wasting valuable time?” Fifteen years was a very long time and a lot had happened. The amount of self-healing and meditation I had to go through to get my head sorted was unreal. Through the abuse, I developed lupus which was brought on by the post-traumatic stress.
Lupus for me was even worse than the abuse itself due to the mental headspace I became trapped in. It forced me to want to give up. The only thing that really kept me going was my mum and my children. Organs failing, joints seizing up, ulcers, not being able to walk—my children having to dress me every day—was rough to say the least. Trying to describe to you an indescribable experience is very hard but the best way to say it is that for me it was hell on Earth!
Sticking with the meditation, self-help and also clinging to positive influences around me, has dramatically changed my life. Know the signs of an abusive person and stay clear. I am now a qualified life coach, actress, music artist, music manager and my family is living happily in a calmer environment.