Walking along the shores of my life I realized that I missed the warning signs of the coming tsunami. It was there, the news flashes, the sirens went off and pressure sensors showed an increase in pressure, but I chose to ignore it. I noticed it, heard it but I chose to not heed the warning signs of a coming tsunami. My life was always mostly smooth, living the dream and making the most of it. But somewhere deep down the earth plates shifted. I did not know when the movement took place, it was subtle, it was slow, and it was unseen. Some volcanic eruption took place inside me, and it shifted everything!
But the change took place whether I chose it or not. Slowly but surely life started changing in me. The tide was rising without my knowledge. I observed the huge waves that were on their way, they crashed on me, leaving me almost breathless but I survived. It felt like endless waves crashing down on me, one after another, wave after wave. In the end it ended. I felt hopeless, left alone, left as a person I never knew. Life as I knew it ended as I was transformed.
Left with a devastated coastline filled with debris consisting of old rubbish, dead and broken parts, damaged buildings etc. I had to make sure I could survive, basic instincts of survival kicked in like having water, food and some type of shelter. I was in a haze, barely surviving. I was like someone hanging for their dear life on a life line.
Having experienced this tsunami made me realize that we sometimes go through life blinded for what is really going on around us in life. We transform into a role and live it, without stopping and realizing what we took on, what we enrolled ourselves in. We never make time to pause and ponder about who we are, who we become and who we would like to really be. We fantasize about our lives, we start living our fantasies but then we are pulled back to reality experiencing a tsunami in life, I was plucked back into the real reality of what my life entailed. What I became, what I allowed, what I truthfully became, and all come crumbling down.
My whole life as I knew it, the one I was living was falling apart, in fact it was laying in pieces all around me on the shores of my life. Parts of my heart ripped apart, shattered pieces of my personality, used parts of me, dreams shattered, hope crashed, laying bare on the shore before me.
I was devastated, of seeing where I was, what was left. I thought all was good, everything was flowing smoothly. Going through all the things and doing life like everyone. The day the realization of the tsunami arrived, I was terrified, shocked and at first in denial that it could ever happen to me. I had to just face it, no where to run, no where to hide, nothing I could do, since I did not heed the warning signs, I was left open, bare facing the full force of the tsunami’s waves as they pounded on me, on my life, in all facets of my life. My personality, my relationships, my worth, my purpose of being…ripped apart and what was left?
Was there anything worth putting back together, worth rebuilding? There was none, nothing to build, nothing worth patching. It had to be built from scratch, from the start, a whole life I needed to rebuild. Did I have the energy? Could I do it? Is it possible and what do I build? I was in shock for a long period, merely floating around hoping for a miracle, some direction.
After the tsunami it was possible to rebuild my life, to rebuild a new me, a new life, a new person, new dreams, making some changes in relationships and in the end putting myself first for the first time. But it took time, time to allow the shock, the sadness, the worry, the numbness, the brokenness, the hurtfulness, the fear, the anxiety to have their way in me. To let them shower me with a different wave of emotion each day. To allow it, to feel it, to feel scared, alone and without an answer. To follow the process that was enfolding in front of me. By allowing it to take its time and process, I allowed and gave myself space to heal, to renew and slowly but surely start seeing the light again. It took months for me to feel like a human again after the tsunami hit me. I did start to feel the light, the energy, the love, the hope, the joy again…but it took time.
Life will never be the same, it will never return to how it was before the tsunami, and I had to accept it. My whole life was turned upside down, it was broken, shattered but it was restored again, I could start building a new me, I had to recreate new dreams, new visions of what I want in life, in my passions, my relationships. During the tsunami in my life I wanted to run away, I was wondering why me, why did it have to happen?
Today I can say that the tsunami was a life rescuer, without the tsunami I would have lost even more without realizing it! I had a chance to rebuild a new life, and that was a blessing in disguise. Yes, the tsunami could have destroyed me, killed me however I allowed the tsunami to cleanse me, strip me of all parts that I did not need any longer but dearly hold onto to.
Looking back, I am thankful for this tsunami and I pray that you would allow the tsunami’s in life to change and cleanse as needed. Don’t allow it to destroy but be open for it to tore apart the parts not needed anymore and then start building the life, the life you always wanted. Be patient it takes time to create a new life. After a tsunami…life will return…in the end… but let it be infused with newness.